Eggplants, Eyes, and Elephants in Rooms
by silvercopycat
Summary: Slight Puzzleshipping. Really now, what's the difference between purple and violet?


**Title:** Eggplants, Eyes, and Elephants in Rooms

**Genre:** General/Humor

**Rating:** K+

**Summary:** Really now, what's the difference between purple and violet?

**Disclaimer:** If I owned, I wouldn't have wasted any chapters drawing card games; I would have jumped right into shounen-ai action.

**Notes:** Randomness. Really random. And I don't hate Anzu—it's just fun making her the only rational person.

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It starts off with an eggplant.

"Ya know, Yuug'," Jou comments from his seat, chewing on a sausage he had gotten his hands on. He is also consequently watching his best friend slice the fruit into even pieces, and does not appear to have any real reason to come over to Yuugi's house. "Your eyes are kind of like that eggplant," he states. He nods to himself as if he has come to a very important conclusion, even going as far as rubbing his chin in a sagely fashion.

"Excuse me?" Yuugi says flatly, brandishing his knife. "Are you calling my eyes edible, like a fish's?"

"I think what Jounouchi means," Honda interjects, shoving the blond in question and also gnawing on a wurst, "is that your eyes are the same color. As the eggplant, I mean."

"...My eyes are eggplant-colored?" Yuugi queries, looking almost appalled at being compared to a piece of fruit. He looks down at the long strip he is chopping, and shuddering slightly, turns it over and continues to cut.

"Aibou's eyes cannot be described by a mere _vegetable_," Yami frowns, sounding affronted.

(Or maybe it is because he is trying to kiss Yuugi's neck, and failing to do so since Yuugi slaps him away every time to focus on cutting.)

"Fruit," Yuugi says calmly. "Eggplants are fruits. Like tomatoes, Yami."

"They are more like amethysts," Yami continues, undeterred. "A vegetable cannot be compared to a jewel." Again, his lips try to find their way to Yuugi's pulse, but the teenager brings a sharp elbow into Yami's ribs, and the former spirit chokes, sighs, and then backs off.

Anzu blinks slowly and raises a hand.

"What?" Yami says, noticing.

"Um, Yuugi—I mean, Atemu—"

"I prefer to go by the name 'Yami'," Yami says cheerfully, leaning on his partner's shoulder and peering down at the eggplant with little interest. "You never know what my real name might do; last time Yuugi used it, some nasty shadows came in the middle of our—"

"The middle of your _what?!_" Jou squawks from the table.

"Our game of Monopoly," Yuugi says smoothly, bringing the chef's knife down hard on the cutting board and shooting a warning glance at his lover. "I was just about to buy this hotel I was saving up for too, but then I had to go and make some stupid mistake..."

"Um—" Anzu tries again, looking pointedly at Yami's very solid body.

"You guys play Monopoly?" Honda looks as if someone just told him that all girls have fake boobs and Shizuka has developed a fondness for green eyes, dark hair, and dice in general. In which case, his face crumples in on himself and he looks at Yami and Yuugi with a newfound awareness. Jou snorts (who doesn't like Monopoly?) and pieces of sausage spray onto the ground.

"Yes," Yami pouts as Yuugi evades yet _another _attempt at a hot make-out scene. "Aibou won't play strip poker or Twister with me."

"Moving on!" Jou clears his throat. "Yuugi's eyes remind me of eggplants. I mean, who wants their eyes to look like jewels? Jewels are kind of hard and cold and...expensive."

"So I'm cheap now?" Yuugi sounds dry as he starts salting the eggplant.

"Jewels are beautiful!" Yami huffs, glaring at Jou.

"I don't know about eggplant or amethyst..." Honda contemplates thoughtfully, giving Yuugi a once-over. "It just looks purple to me. Or violet; I can't tell those two colors apart. I mean, really—purple, violet, what's the difference?"

"Violet's more bluey," Yuugi says absently.

"Eggplants are delicious." Jou sounds cross now, and he's still staring down Yami. "Everyone loves eggplants."

"I don't like them," Yami says haughtily and sounding every bit like the ancient pharaoh he used to be.

"Well, then something sweeter and softer," Jou is frowning. "Like plums or something."

Anzu is rapidly turning blue at this point. She stares at Yami perplexedly, as if she cannot possibly comprehend why he is standing before her, talking and walking and breathing and being very much alive. No one pays much attention to her as she gapes like a dead fish.

"Maybe even grapes?" Jou ponders to himself.

"You know, Yuugi's eyes look more lavender from this vantage point," Honda says while cocking his head to the side and squinting like a blind man. "Lavender's as soft as it comes; it's, like, a perfume scent by itself. They use lavender for air fresheners and all, right?"

"I do not object to plums," Yami says, thinking seriously. As he interacts with Jounouchi, he stealthily wound himself around Yuugi and starts to stroke the soft belly concealed by a black shirt. Yuugi hums lightly and rinses the eggplant without stopping at the soft, tingly sensation that slowly travels down lower and lower...

"Hang on," Honda calls out, "they're indigo. I repeat, indigo. You need to kind of slide your head like so—"

"Man, Yuug', I wish I had eyes like yours," Jou grins. "They're like, wha-bam! The color just kind of stands out, you know?"

"Gee, thanks," Yuugi says distractedly, "so what color did you guys decide upon?"

"...I still say eggplant," Jou nods firmly. "Or plums."

"Amethyst," Yami sighs adoringly, pressing himself into Yuugi even further. "Amethyst eyes on my hikari..." Yuugi rolls his eyes at the affectionate display, but allows his darkness to happily nuzzle and even kiss him.

"I'm thinking orchid," Honda starts suddenly. "Orchid's a nice color. But it's kind of like violet too—or is it purple? Yuugi, what's the difference between violet and purple again? And how come violet's on the rainbow but purple isn't?"

Anzu loses it at this point. "For the love of—How come Atemu has his own body?" She is all but screaming, and points an accusing finger at Yami.

Yami blinks. "I just do. Trust me, just work with it so I can have my sexy time with Yuugi." He places a chaste kiss on Yuugi's lips to make a point.

The lone female in the residential home puts her head in her hands. "Ugh," she says.

"Or maybe it was lavender after all," Honda mumbles to himself.

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End file.
